Originally Posted by Rimmy
Sadie,
Like you, I am having profound difficulty giving in to the fact that I am an alcoholic... which is bizarre because when I used to party with friends and be drinking rediculus amounts, I remember saying to myself, "Damn, man, your a friggin alcoholic"... now, I don't want to admit it... peculur stuff.
Regarding what you said about how after that second drink, you might feel a little tired.. I think this is where "normal" drinkers go, "whoo, that went right to my head. Time to stop 'cause I gotta drive home". On the other hand, I would go, "wow.. feeling a bit tired... if I slam down two quick, I'll catch a buzz again" because I don't feel two drinks, I feel four.
I guess my answer to the thread topic at least for me is more along the lines of, "I know what it's like, and this is a tease." I guess I'd use the word CONDITIONING? My mind and body, because of my own abuse to it, have been conditioned to handle more than 2 beers, so once drinking even a bit, the moderation point becomes mute because I am a vessel made for 10 or 15 or 20. You wouldn't send a cargo ship out of port with 1/2 the cargo holds empty....
I feel you, Rimmy....the whole time Sunday I was doing shot after shot desperately trying to drown out the pain I was feeling I was thinking....this is SO NOT healthy, this is....wait....INSANITY! Addiction = insanity. Man, these muddy waters are getting clearer and clearer...and I am not liking what's at the bottom of the pond.
I was doing what you said too, and do almost every time I binge: "damn, I'm starting to come down, that's no good, better go get another shot. A whole drink will take too long to work." Now THAT, my friends...is sick thinking.
