Hi ryan. Thank you for your message, it has really helped me today and I really feel feel for the struggle that you are going through.
I first knew I was an alcoholic 10 years ago when my youngest daughter was your daughters age.
I went to AA several times over the course of the years, I listened to their messages, sat in the rooms, stood up and said I was an alcoholic and then went back out there because I didn't want "that label" and to be with "those people".... I wanted to be like a "normal" person. I figured I could do it on my own but failed and failed again. I went to see therapists, hypnotists, acupuncture, I read every every book imaginable and even did a stint in rehab but I still continued to drink.
My beautiful daughter has seen me drunk more times than I can remember, I have made so many broken promises only to dash them against the walls of my evil addiction. I have seen her pain and tried desperately not to hurt her again but I always have to the extent that now at 22 she has gone to the other side of the world to get away from my drinking. I feel sad that her last image of me was sitting in the dark hiding clutching a bottle of wine.
Self will and other methods have got me absolutely nowhere and it is only now that I see I am not a "normal" drinker and never will be, I have no control over what I do when I drink and if I carry on as I have done, I won't live another 10 years. For me i now see AA is the only way. I admit freely without resentment that I am an alcoholic and I am exactly like "those people" and I embrace them for they are the ones who will hold my hand out of this dark destructive place.
Today 3 days in I am so grateful for AA and I know I am exactly where I am meant to be.
Take care ryan. Your daughter will speak to you again, she is just hurt and angry.
Elle