You're definitely not alone in this. AXH joked about a women's place. He'd make jokes about different racial stereotypes, including about my own heritage. When I objected I was too sensitive, a kill-joy, a stick in the mud. Geesh, he was JUST kidding. He'd joke about going to Japan to get a real wife who knew her place was to always be a few steps behind her husband. (That one was lovely on several levels: racist and sexist all at the same time.)
At the beginning of the relationship they were much, much fewer and farther between, and he'd brush them off, "TU, you know I'm friends with So-and-So, they're FROM Pakistan." He'd have an example of a friend of whatever nationality he'd just laughed about. "And I'm with you. How could I have meant a racist comment, really?" or "I'm dating you, a math major who went to college on a merit scholarship. How could I think women are dumb? I don't. It's just a joke." It wasn't a matter of me being strong or smart, it was trusting that the initial few jokes were what he claimed them to be, that they just odd one-off comments.
It was only over time that they became more frequent and more blatantly not really jokes. It wasn't one day: no jokes, next day, bam: a million horrendous slurs. It was gradual, it escalated slowly, both in frequency and level of disrespect, it was insidious and sly. It was hard to see much less grab a hold of and understand when stuck in the middle of a storm. It's only after being away from him and safe, that I've been able to see how it progressed.