I'm not sure if there's a short cut to dealing with the shame. There are a few incidents in my drinking life that filled me with such shame that it actually felt like grief; it was so strong it made me feel physically ill. The mind will often try rationalization as a defense mechanism, basically making excuses.
But acceptance is something else. Acceptance is owning up to what you've done, acknowledging it and making a plan to do better.
Ultimately it just takes time, BB. Things will get better.
