Feeling poop
Shared at AA tonight about how my life had become unmanagable, and the extent of my drinking which led me to AA and I feel utterly pants.
Really really poopy. I guess Im having a poor me moment. Im sitting here wondering if I really am alcoholic, was it really that bad? In fact I think the realisation really is I was in serious trouble but somehow I think subconsciously Ive been trying to play it down.
First time I really spoke openingly about my physical dependency on alcohol.
The fact I wasnt eating, couldnt keep down any food whatsoever the only way the sickness and shakes would stop was to have another drink. I WAS that bad. It doesnt make me feel very good about myself.
Whats going on here with me? Instead of feeling proud of having the courage to admit and do something about my drinking, I feel absoultely rubbish. I feel ashamed, and remorseful and so sad that ... that was really me.
Need to share otherwise it will play havoc with my brain.