Im learning this too. I am a pleaser and a helper by nature and I have always carried family and friends through crisis, no more. I am carrying myself now and my needs come first esp when it comes to sobriety. If other people want to drink and waste their life, so be it. I cannot and will not compromise myself or go above and beyond my capabilities, sober first.
Have to put on your own oxygen mask before you can help someone else. Also, DH is still drinking and I hate it but there is nothing I can do. Not my battle. Not sure I will be sticking it out to watch him sink much lower though. Hope I rub off on him somehow.