Originally Posted by
Nelly1 
Despite being seperated, (until he's ever sober)...... I have continued contact with my H Addicted fiance. I never wanted to cut off contact, that wasn't my plan. I removed myself from our home because he was getting crazier and progressively worse in his addiction to heroin. I told him I would talk to him daily but refused to see him if he was high. Bottom line. No exceptions. This is a huge deal for me because I never set boundaries with him before..... I have always gave and gave trying my best to save him. I understand now that that couldn't continue without losing every bit of myself. No matter what I did or did not do, he would use.
After speaking all week but not seeing eachother, his mother and I decided we would not invite him to Easter dinner because he has been using all week. We could not handle another ruined holiday..... It's more heartbreaking each time. We told him I would bring him a dish of food so he could eat, he promised he'd be sober since I was coming. (He's supposed to be attempting getting clean yet sadly.... he promises over and over again and it's never happening). I showed up, brought his dish.... He was so happy to see me, I could tell he was so lonely ..... I looked at him. Knew he was high, told him "our deal was I won't be around you high, and now I am leaving" ... He begged and screamed for me to stay, cried and threw himself at my feet..... I said "I love you" and left............. I never felt more pain in my life as I walked down our deck steps....... I pictured him there crying, lonely, and sad.. Alone on Easter. Am I a terrible person??? He told me his friends Think I'm horrible, who leaves someone in such a bad place.. And they said "if she's so worried that your so bad; how could she abandon you??"
They don't know that for the last year And a half I have been trying to "love him sober" ... They don't know how nasty he gets and refuses treatment..... But my heart hurts so bad....
I never knew standing up for myself and my boundaries could hurt so bad... Is detaching really a good thing??
Detaching is the only thing that will keep your sanity, health and your spirit. I would not be bringing him any food or seeing him when he is high. You have to choose - either you accept him high (and than you have to see him high, spend dinners with him high, holidays, take vacations, etc) OR you set a boundary that you will not be in his life while he is using. There is no in between here with heroin. You are dealing with a mentally ill person who is refusing treatment. It's like imagine you have a totally drunk guy, who can't move off the floor and you are asking him to spend Easter with you, be normal, talk normal, etc. And he is half dead on the floor. Well, heroin is worse- they can stand (when not nodding), but there is NOTHING NO FEELING inside. That pain you feel, that sorrow, he doesn't feel it. My ex used to tell me when he was in jail for 2 years - when I am using, I feel nothing, all I do is manipulate and pretend. You love a person that is not here currently
