Hi Sasa. Glad you're here and posting. I remember being unable to tell the truth if it meant telling anyone something that would disappoint them, or mean they might reject me. It's a lonely place your be in, so please keep posting on here. Also, the NA meeting is a great idea. Have you been before, or thinking of going for the first time? If you've been before could you text someone and tell them you relapsed and ask them to help you get to a meeting and find support there? If you haven't been before, just give that hotline a call. They will understand what you're going through and help you to access a meeting.
It is a shame that you had a relapse, but the important thing now is to learn from it and move forward. Not to beat yourself up, as that's just a waste of your energy, and while you're beating yourself up you're unlikely to reach out for the help that you deserve and need. Learn from it and move on. Is there a meeting near you today or tomorrow?
Wishing you all the best for your recovery.
BB