Thank you to everyone. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that it is nice to come here and find people that understand this weight around my neck. I've been doing a lot of reading here, and doing a lot of soul searching. My counselor has suggested that I must find a way to have my needs met. If this marriage is not healthy for me, I really should go my own way. However, I must be satisfied that I gave it my all, or I may have never ending guilt and regret. I am supposed to be coming up with a list of "cards that I have yet to play", and a description of a life / life partner that would meet my needs and expectations. I have ideas for the ideal partner and lifestyle, but am really struggling with the other part. The problem most likely is that I just don't believe things can ever improve to an equitable point. I feel like anything I do is just wasted effort. I suppose I need to get a grip on that. I really don't feel any major decisions can be made until more time has passed, and we determine the long term outlook for her condition. Hopefully the appointment with the neurologist next month will bring some answers. If she is diagnosed with WKS, I will start the process of filing for disability for her. If the claim is approved, I have learned she would also be eligible for medicare. These determinations obviously impact my alimony obligations.
The waiting game is going to be very hard for me.
If she falls off the wagon in the mean time, I don't know if I will be able to wait for those results to materialize. I don't think I can handle that anymore.
I expect her to fall off the wagon...