Originally Posted by
AlcSis 
You have been NC for 7 weeks; I was told (and have read) that it takes a good 3 months to "get over" someone with whom we have had a close, intimate relationship. Many times, (most) there is a "feel-good" chemical called oxytocin generated when we are in a "loving", physical relationship. This chemical BONDS us to the person we love (or think we do).
EVEN if the relationship was not a "good, healthy one". (e.g., affected by alcoholism).
Studies have shown that it can take 3 months of TOTAL NC for the effects of oxytocin to wear off. (Even the sound of a person's voice can reactivate oxytocin.) Think of this chemical as an "addicting" chemical - between you and your xABF. (And, sadly, we can and do become "addicted" to our alcoholics and addicts.)
You have been "triggered" hearing about him. And the oxytocin is kicking in. Don't beat yourself up.
Gem,
I'm sorry you're going through all that hurt. I understand how you feel. We've all been there.
I strongly agree with AlcSis said. Please don't take what I'm going to say the wrong way. My wish isn't to diminish the pain you're experiencing or belittle your feelings. Just for a minute, I'll try to set aside notions of emotions and feelings about love and concentrate on what's physiologically happening in your brain right now. It may not lessen the pain, but for me, understanding this process has helped me through breakups.
Apart from feelings, love is a very, very tasty chemical cocktail that your brain enjoys very much. When you first meet someone, and through the honeymoon period, your brain is flooded with endorphines and, if i remember correctly, another hormone (can't remember which one). Now these are powerful hormones, and apparently they are more powerful than man-made drugs. That's why you feel "high" when you fall in love. The truth is, you are high! Just high on hormones produced by your body. You could also get the same high through a high intensity workout or skydiving (boy was I a good high!).
As time goes one, these hormones are slowly replaces by oxytocin which, as AlcSis said, it is the bonding hormone. It's the same hormone that is used to induce labour in post-term pregnancy (man-made version being pytocin), and it's the hormone a woman's flooded with after giving birth.
So, after a breakup, you stop producing this tasty tasty brain cocktail, and you experience something akin to withdrawal for an addict.
Why are you hurting more now that you've heard about your ex? Because you've just got a tiny dose of the tasty brain cocktail and your brain wants more!
Unfortunately, there is no magic cure, nothing I can say that will lessen the pain you are feeling. However, you said that before hearing about him you were doing good. That makes me think that you were doing something right. Get back to what you were doing. It worked, and it will work again. Concentrate on yourself, take care of your needs, and do nice things for yourself.
As for "7 weeks of progress down the drain", I assure you it's not the case! It might feel that way now, but it's not, what you've learned during that time isn't lost. It will come back. And you will build on it.
Hang in there. Remember to take it one day at a time, and when that's too hard, take it one hour, one minute, hell one breath at a time if need be. I promise you, you will get to a good and wonderful place!
Hugs