for the first few weeks after my relapse, I found counting the days a bit counter-productive. It just reminded me of all the time I'd 'thrown away', and the task ahead seemed huge. I also found myself unwittingly looking at people who had started at the same time as me, some of whom are now hitting 4 years, and I felt completely hopeless.
None of that is important. We don't ever 'lose' our sober time because with every long stretch of sobriety we learn new things, new strategies, and we experience the benefits of a sustained sober life. That experience is invaluable and is never 'lost'.
Count days, or don't count days...it really doesn't matter. I've friends who do both, and they are equally as happy.
I think it was Gottalife who said his last relapse propelled him onto sobriety because he finally became willing to go to any lengths. That's how I feel about mine too. But first I had to do a little grieving and soul searching, look to myself to find out where I went wrong. I didn't have anywhere near the stress you did, but I've watched people cope with the most awful life experiences and move through them sober, so I know it can be done.
Don't get lost in that alcoholic hell Aellyce, I've been there and nothing good comes of it.
Be safe ❤️