salinity77

As of March 15th I am no longer with my 90+ day sober alcoholic fiancee. He told me the night of the 15th after I had just got off work that he was falling down again and feeling like he is going to relapse and not come back from it, that being said and I already knew what he was getting at so I started to cry he told me that he isn't ready for this right now. That he isn't emotionally fit to be in something. All the while this being said he had his friend there while I was balling my eyes out (he's been in recovery with my fiance also) listening but already knew he was going to tell me that night. My A brought up that I am codependent of him and he is codependent of me and that wasnt good, he also brought up my ex and that he doesn't trust me and went through a book of mine that I totally forgot I had and that I had written in them about my ex. I tried to defend myself to him but he would not hear it. I sat there just crying not knowing what else to say or do. I came back into the room and he had to tell me more. Telling me something that had happened right before he went to rehab in November when he was in the four day drunkin stooper, he told me that one night out of resentwenty towards me for accusing me of cheating with his ex girlfriend which he did back in May just before his incarceration and just before anyone found out apparently he had a problem that he cheated on me with someone and did Cocaine. I didn't want to hear this I shook my head before he told me because I couldn't take the pain I was already feeling. His friend that was there told me that it wasn't my fault that night it was his. He also looked at me and told me julian tried. I asked him if I could speak to him alone in private at first he didn't want to but then he let me. We sat outside and I told him when did this all starthe he got angry and said I'm not going into detail now what. I told him that I promised to never get in the way of his sobriety that I would rather love him from a far then see him dead. I told him i loved him more than anyone and that I will always love him. He sat there with his head low and said I'm sorry for leading you on this long. I didn't know what he meant by that but I told him it's okay. Like I always said. Trying to make him feel better in fear he'd relapse. He went inside packed a bag and told me I had to find a way to work. He though his transportation for the few weeks that I had been there and before I even moved in was is scooter. Why did he need his truck? Was he just trying to make it harder on me that he just didn't give a ****? He left me an that when I lost it crying my eyes out harder than I ever did because the love of my life just left me broken and alone not knowing alot of questions I wanted answered?

The answers I hope sober recovery could give me today.
I have went to meetings for the past two night except last night when I needed it the most.

Was he going through a dry drunk stage?
Why act like everything was okay the day before because it was our year anniversary?
Why be so angry with me now and block me from everything to communicate with him?
Why ask for the gifts that he had given me for valentine's day and my birthday?
Is he holding resentiment towards me?
Did he actually just get bored of me and just say it was because of his recovery?
Did he not love me anymore even though he said that this was the hardest thing he could've done telling me to leave? Two weeks prior we got into a fight and he told me that everyone told him that I shouldn't be here and that the last thing he wanted to do was to tell me to leave so he wanted to work on me and have me do the steps to help with my depression. We started but then we stopped and that when he started to act different with me.
The night before on our anniversary all.day he acted depressed I tried getting him to talk but he wouldn't then around dinner he was being himself, playful loving julian. He even made love to me or so I thought.

In sobriety if you are already in a relationship do they still frown apon it?
Was his sponcer really telling him to cut all ties with me completely?

Did his therapist really tell him to give it a shot and prove everyone wrong?

Why did he have his friend there that night?

Why be angry with me?

Everything was perfectly fine I thought? Except the little things I saw prior that he was doing with me anymore. I never fought him on going to meetings never made him feel bad for going I encourage him to go. I never drank I never done drugs I never went to parties. All that stuff just isn't for me. We loved doing the same things together we never would have thought to even get engaged to anyone. Me and my A never thought to even be in a relationship but we fell in love or I did... he always came back to me even when he was put in jail for 21 days. He begged Me to come back when I was going to leave him in November when he was trying to kill himself for the four days before rehab. When he was sober he asked me would I stay if he got help. I stayed.. now this? I'm so confused I can't ask him all the questions because he asked me to just leave him be. I asked him is this a break or something for a long time he said I don't know an got angry for asking twice. His mother told me that he told her that he isn't ready for a relationship right now and needs to focus on himself.

I know I need to grow up and so does he.
I'm 21 and he's 22 mentally he is 17 because this is when it all started for him

He's clinically depressed. Insane so he says and has ptsd for what happened to him prior before he was put in hand cuffs.

April 4th is his trial date to see if he is guilty or not guilty of his charges.

I just hate that I feel like I am dying and he is perfectly okay with it all. Doesn't even check up on me after all that I've done for him. Never left him through all the hurt and lies and cheating.

I should be angry... but I love him to much but I need to work on me