Welcome to SR, this is a great site for support and getting honest feedback!
As for not knowing how this story is going to end, why don't you decide how you want your story to end. I mean it is your life, who better to decide how it is going to go then you? You can take control of your life and with the right tools it doesn't have to be as impossible as it might seem at this moment. Have you tried meetings, going to counseling, talking to a psychiatrist about the anxiety, and just forming a real solid base to stand on to keep moving forward as you reach goal after goal that you set for yourself.
You can do this, at one point it seemed impossible for every single person here and yet there are so many people here that have great stories of recovery. NEVER give up and keep moving forward, no matter how small the steps forward might be.