I agree. Hang on to the idea that you CAN live quite well indeed without alcohol because you've proven that.
If the "I can have a drink or two" lie is snaring you repeatedly, time to confront that lie once and for all. You now know beyond a shadow of a doubt you can't drink in moderation. So, make up your mind to not drink at all, ever.
And Anna makes a great point: You might want to stay far away from alcohol and drinking for a good, long time.
Hope you feel better soon!