One week today....but....don't thank me
Hi All,
One week ago I suffered my first seizure something I of course never thought would happen to me. The only blessing was I was not in my car which if it happened 1 minute sooner or 1 minute later I would have been and I and countless others would quite possibly be dead.
For the past month I have been basically staying with my folks and going over to my house to spend time with my wife and kids as much as I can muster up the ability to do so. Last Sunday after a night of drinking I woke up and made it over there. I am also on a ton of psychotropic drugs for anxiety and depression so drinking on these is simply doubling down on stupid. I spent about a half day at my house with the kids and didn't drink but also didn't eat. As I left I offered to return some movies my wife had rented on my way home. There in the store I seized and hit the ground. I remember none of this and luckily there were people there to call 911. Next thing I remember was waking up in the ambulance. I suffered a concussion and had some mild bleeding on my brain. I was released yesterday and am back at my parents house.
During my entire stay at hospital I never once craved a drink. When I felt well enough I called and researched inpatient places for help and acceptance. I am praying I get into one this week as I simply cannot be here or at my parents house. The messed up thing in all of this is that as soon as I walked back into this house I went on the hunt. Vanilla extract, cooking wine, whatever I could try and sneak. I couldn't find anything luckily but my god the madness! I nearly freaking died and am still suffering post concussion syndromes yet there I am looking for the "buzz." WTF with this disease? I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. My heart is broken and I swear if I had money and was alone I know I would break right now. That is what is so sad and so scary.
I hope you all find a way to fight through this day and stay strong. Bless all of you.