Hey Cellardweller, In your first statement you said there was something you hated about yourself. Im not sure about your case but most addicts dont wake up one morning and say, I think ill be an addict for the rest of my life. There's an underlieing issue and even if you stopped using and never delt with the issue that got you using in the first place, chances are your going to continue to use. You need to figure out what the problem is and deal with it and I believe after that is when your recovery can take hold and flourish. Good Luck my friend and ill keep you in my prayers.