Thanks for sharing - but again, please don't dwell too much on it. If we want to get sober, and make a change, it helps to save our energy for making our plan, and sticking to it. If we let despair and shame run away with us, this can easily turn into self-pity (the 'poor me, poor me, pour me another drink' scenario). I use a couple of simple meditation techniques to reign my mind back in when I spot it trying to wander off to some dark abyss at an unhelpful time (such as 2 am when I need to be getting some rest). Am happy to share these with you if you're interested in giving them a go.
It's generally better to focus on staying sober one day at a time so that we can stop adding to the wreckage, and get our lives more manageable. Then, later on we can think about putting things right ( for example, in AA this is done through inventory making - looking at Harms we've done to others; Our Resentments and Fear ; and our Sex (and relationship) conduct, which we then use to work out what amends we owe). And we're able to do this because we've developed our sober tool-kit by then if we've been working your plan on a daily basis.
Our rock 'bottoms' are never pleasant to look at (haha). The good news is that from now on it doesn't have to be as bad - or get any worse.