How we say something makes a huge difference to us and the listener /reader.
When I was in a cycle of relapsing, saying "I drank,".." again", coupled with a sense of the hopelessness I was feeling would put me further into I am a depressive failure mindset..
Saying something, like, 'I fell off the wagon', worked for me because it eluded to a softer, only a slight denial of my reality. It gave me the illusion of something that I could get back on.
Everything change for me when I learnt about my AV, I became more accountable to me. Getting and maintaining sobriety is such a learning experience.