Thought-provoking thread, Nons. Thank you.
It rang a bell. I've saved some of the threads I've started and here's what I wrote when I marked one year of sobriety, noting some of the challenges that arose in my first year (most notably the unexpected death of my dear father when I was not quite 10 months sober):
"Did any of this give rise to thoughts of drinking? Yeah. Some desolate moments.
"For me, it wouldn't have been a slip, an oops or "wounded, therefore entitled." Or a relapse, frankly. It would have been a conscious decision to push the self-destruct button. It still would be; I want a lifetime of sobriety and recovery. "
Those words, 1.5 years later, still help guide my recovery. I'm looking forward to three years later this summer. That's my plan!
Beyond that, what I've learned during the ensuing time, is that a return to drinking -- be it a onetime occurrence or extended period -- doesn't happen in a vacuum. It is the culmination of a process during which rejection of drinking subsides to the point that drinking happens.
I do think that euphemisms *can* be a tool to minimize the fact that drinking occurred, though it doesn't mean that the pain is diminished. I have yet to see posts from relapsers rejoicing a return to drinking (either a single event or a protracted pattern.)
What we can take away from it is a strengthened resolve to understand the early warning signals and develop a plan of action in response so that thoughts don't give way to actions.