Wow. Thank you everyone for all of your wonderful comments....they are very helpful, and I can see that they are very helpful to others here, too!! I have to reread these posts...there is a lot of wisdom in them.
I haven't drank yet. omg. Why did I say "yet"??? I am still sober, as I plan to be.... forever........but it was hard for me to write that. Like my AV doesn't think that's a good idea lol. Well tough luck, AV - I know better - you're just a childish, manipulative abusive thing. I know better. ANYWAY.
Thanks for all the comments....comment more even, if you'd like!! This romanticising thing is so difficult to get through/out of..... it seems to come from all different angles......so we need to be prepared for them....aaagh.