Withdrawal help
Hello all. I'm a few months new to the group and have had some unsuccessful tries at getting sober. The longest I have gone is a month. I'm 32 years old and have been abusing heavily for about ten years. I started dealing with the withdrawals for the first time when I was 28.
They are very painful to deal with. Sometimes I get them and sometimes I won't...they always surprise me every time I think I might be "in the clear". My symptoms are as follows:
-high blood pressure
-racing heartbeat
-anxiety (probably my least favorite symptom of them all), feeling scared like you're going to die each time, afraid to reach out to family or friends for fear of judgment
- clammy feet but hot and sweating everywhere else
-vomiting and nausea
-restless/pacing
-inability to focus
-depression, want to cry but can't
-seizures
-difficulty breathing
-the shakes
I had my first seizure from withdrawal last February. I didn't even know what had happened. I've gone to the ER for detox eight times, uninsured for three of the visits which I am still paying off. The visits are always the same. They give me a saline drip, are stingy with the Ativan etc and a few times they have sent me to another inpatient facility for addicts to be monitored by nurses for a few days. The doctors always ask the same questions. It is both embarrassing and expensive each time.
I am currently detoxing/having withdrawals at home right now. I can't afford to see a doctor at the hospital because I have to work to make a living and am getting ready to start a new job. My last drink was at 3am of last evening and I started getting the symptoms at 1pm today. Again, I felt "fine" as I woke up and was getting ready for work. Then the anxiety and vomiting hit me like a ton of bricks. "Oh boy", I always think to myself. "Here we go again". I informed my family and called out of work. My father kept scolding me that he was "so sick of this godd&%$# sh@t". So i felt even more guilty.
Can anyone else share their experiences with withdrawal or offer me some tips? Every time I think I get past this that I can stay sober but I always fall back into my old patterns, I'm desperate for help and can't keep doing this to myself or my family. Thanks everyone so much for taking the time to read.