Welcome Sumi, BayAreaBob, and Rah.
Rah, I am coming to believe that drinking is as much a "thinking" problem as it is anything else. We get so used to thinking a certain way and telling ourselves that we can now moderate, or that we deserve it, or whatever...that we literally have to fight off those irrational thoughts in our mind until they dissipate (and hopefully all but disappear).
Peaceful- be sure to have a plan in place for when your husband is gone, if that's your trigger. I know I need to keep myself busy with things that fill up my time so before I know it, the night is almost over. I know every single time my daughters are not home or that I end up in the car by myself, my mind immediately goes to drinking or buying a bottle of wine- because I CAN, that's my stupid rationale.
Tomorrow morning my 14 year old daughter and I are attending a memorial service for classmate of hers and a former student of mine who committed suicide last week. Sweet, quiet, incredibly smart boy - I still can't wrap my head around it. I cannot even begin to imagine his family's pain. Such a heartbreaking tragedy. It surely puts things in perspective.
Hugs and strength to everyone tonight.