The best thing a sponsor told me was that I was giving my daughter the dignity and respect to find her own way ~ that I was loving her enough to stop cheating her out of that growth opportunity ~ that I believed in her enough to allow her to make healthier choices for herself. As long as I kept stepping in, doing for her, I was basically saying she wasn't strong enough to do for herself & selling her short.
So I told my daughter I loved her & I knew she was strong enough, brave enough & never once did I want to steal her dignity by doing something that she was definitely able to do for herself -
Of course she didn't really love it, but today she is over 4 yrs sober, just completed her probation and is working on having her record expunged and will graduate with a degree in May. When she tells her story, she says me telling her that gave a little light that wow maybe she could find some dignity within herself to do something different.
See it wasn't me - it was just me stepping out of the way for her to see what she already had inside.
big pink hugs to you