AndreaMilo

I broke up with my boyfriend three days ago. He returned yesterday saying he took me for granted. He never thought I'd be strong enough to break up with him. And apologised. He told me the truth. He confessed to having lied to me countless times. I already had my suspicions. He's taking cocaine everytime he goes out drinking. he started taking in afternoons at work before he changed his job as he was bored there. Luckily his new business partner won't accept that in workplace!!!!
This is also a warning to others. They lie. And they do it well. but look up the signs. Talking much, if you have a sneaky suspicion. You're probably more likely right. Don't brush it aside. You'll end up questioning your own sanity. I nearly killed myself due to the confusion. Imagine I'd lost my life cause of his addiction. And what of my child who's 2 years old now? That's why I couldnt do it. Or just runaway.

I am shocked. Confused.

There's been allot of damage. He hurt me so much at times I needed him.

All those times he did it. I never knew. I'm thinking back to the amounts of hurt I've been through as a result. I cannot process it all. His lifestyle was terrible. When he wasn't out. He'd be home watching tv. And falling asleep. And work. That's it...this is not a good fatherly figure. No hobbies. Negativity all round. Bad tempers etc etc

I'm very worried. He said he will stop. He asked me to give him one month. He can sign a letter as proof. He said I don't have to. I'm not obligated to take him back. He will go for counselling. I want proof thereof if so.

He said he was using the alcohol as a mask. He confessed to being alcoholic a yearago. Nothing changed. I read the big book. Shocked to find out things I never knew. I still don't fully understand the 'disease' aspect explaining the lies. Nothing changed.

I understand that pushing away people who are on drugs won't do any good. I think the fact Hes confessed is amazing. I hugged him and thanked him for the truth and cried with him. I'm very happy about knowing what is actually going on. All confusion. Questions answered.

This is a good thing. But....

The relationship is damaged. I've developed sexual aversion. I couldn't have sex with someone who didn't care about me.

My trust.

Is it the cocaine that made him lie to me. Or is it him? This is my biggest concern. How will I ever know if he's really stopped. I know the signs now as my suspicions were correct.

I ended up being like a mother to him not a girlfriend. I hate this. It's unattractive.

I need counseling. That's for sure. Which I'm going to tomorrow.

Should I allow him to return? And see what happens?

My daughter has suffered allot through this breakup. She asks for him and ihave to keep telling her daddy om holiday Smile and she ok again Smile when it comes to her. There's no if's or but's. He must stop. She cannot go through this again. It traumatic on her.

And I feel I might have ALLOT of resentment towards him. I don't know if I'll ever recover. Or maybe I should have resentment towards the drug. But he lies to me for a long time. Or is it the drug? It's all Confusing.

What am I going to do

We live In Malawi. We only have one psychologist. And a cbt specialist. The psychologist is too expensive. We've tried him before. And both don't think he was good. There's no nar anon groups etc.

The following days message:
I went to a counselor today and she helped me get clarity as to where to go from here.

He called me today asking why I didn't respond sms's!!!!!?????!!!!
He has not registered anything it seams. He thinks he's not an addict. He is. As the counselor said....he's an alcoholic, and narcotic and weed addict. He lost it when he realised I wasn't going to let him come back so easily and has managed to make me feel sorry for him that he's staying in a place away from home all alone without us. But I can't accept him back just cause of security of the home on his front. The whole situation is horrible. Unfortunately I work. I work all day. And I can't spend my life figuring out everything. I can allocate one Hr a day to try understand this. And I told him. I need time. Eventually he apologised and understood. If he comes back there needs to be strict boundaries etc. And I need to fully understand addiction. So he cannot manipulate etc. But for me to do this is mammoth task at moment. Till then, he will have to wait for my answer.