After not drinking for 4 weeks, then getting back on it hard for 24 hours, then stopping straight after, it's become painfully clear how alcohol affects my life. It's odd but it hasn't really come into such sharp focus before, because when I've relapsed in the past it's taken a long time for me to stop again.
The last three days since drinking again have been immeasurably worse than any bad sober day I've had over the last 4 weeks. I've been nervous, anxious, unhappy, irritatable, comfort eating junk food, inactive, snappy, feeling hopeless. All in just 3 days whilst recovering from a binge. I wasted a load of money on Friday because I missed my train by about half an hour because I couldn't pull myself away from the bar so had to buy another ticket. I vaguely recall being stopped by two police officers who were debating whether to take me in for simply bring too drunk. Such stupid/bad things just don't happen sober. I'm beginning to feel 'normal' again, but it's only the last 4 weeks that have taught me what normal really is. Before I just took it to be the interlude between drinking episodes, and normal meant being all those awful things I've described above e.g. sick, unhappy, depressed.
Now I know that normal can be great.
Sorry to ramble but when I've relapsed in the past I haven't come back to sobriety for a very long time, but this time WILL be different.
