Welcome, ijustwantaname. It's good to be able to talk things over here. We all know what you're going through.
I once drank like you - but because I did nothing about it, I ended up an every day drinker. As you've probably heard, it is a 'progressive disease'. You could grow dependent on it. I always thought willpower would work, but drinking took me down despite my best attempts at controlling it. Glad you are here!