deeds you might be getting ahead of yourself and going to fast. Sometimes we need to slow down and take things as we undertsand them one day at a time if not one hour at a time untill it can all be absorbed and able to move onto the next situation. I know exactly how that feels because I myself get ahead of things and wanting to understand it all at once. But it took us many years to become who and what we are, so it is not gonna be overnight to understand and change everything at once.
Do you attend any face to face alanon meetings? If you do not I strongly recomend trying some out in your area to better help you understand alcoholism. to try and help you with number 1, For me and my research i have found that alcoholism or addiction to drugs is a disease because it is predictable. If one has cancer, there are certain things that will happen and how the body responds and the deteriation of the body. Like addiction or alcoholism if you look closely enough all of them will and do experience the same experiences in body deteriation, mind alterations, and family disconnection due to there "illness". It has been proven that addictive people have a different tolerance for alcohol and drugs that us "normies" or non alcoholics do not. There body does in fact process the chemicals differently and they do not respond to the toxins as we non addicts experience which for us creates a bad experiment so we will tend to steer clear from alcohol or drugs. As much as we can not understand there addiction, they can not understand why we don't like it. But once these addictive gene has taken that first drink or drug, it now is a matter of time before it invades every part of there body. No drug addict or alcoholic wakes up one day and just decides "hey I want to destroy my mind, body, and liver make everyone around me hurt". It takes its course slowly and by the time they even realize they have a problem, there bodies have now become dependant upon the drug they are ingesting to function. And if they try to stop, they find the withdrawals are a harsh reality they can not endure. There bodies have become so dependant on the drug ingested they litterally have no power to stop on there own untill they have come acrossed a bottom and realizing they need help outside of themselves. That is best i can descibe it being a disease from my findings, mostly on the web and thru here at SR. Now some people and some places will argue this and say that it is only labeled a disease for insurance purposes. If it is labeled a disease then the insurance has a responsibility to pay for rehabs and or medical care concerning the person with the disease. I personally go with the disease explanation but it is entirely up to you to come to these findings by your own research and of course feelings on the whole thing. I think tho no matter how you dice it slice it, they do ultimately become sick and can die from alcoholism and drug addiction. Maybe the first drink or drug was a choice, but after the drug has invaded there bodies it has taken over and it simply isn't a choice to get thru the day. If they do not drink or drug, they will get sick and there body craves, like when your hungry. It needs fed. Hope that helps in understanding it, from my point of view anyway.
Number 2 for me sounds EXACTLY like you. I simply do not react anymore, but even tho it seems it is not helping, it is. Just not the person we are not realizing it is helping. It is helping us to rest better, sleep better, go on with our daily lives. We have stopped becoming reactions to there actions and for that my friend is change, not in them, but in us and for the better I might add
. Your doing good if you are doing this and not allowing his stuff become yours. You can not control him anyway, but you can control you.
Number 3 for me again is like your situation. My AH is the bread winner and somehow no matter how Drugged up he is the night or weekend before and I know during work he still manages to to get his paycheck to pay for his drugs.
Number 8 and your question is one I am working myself. Good question tho, maybe someone with more program and have been able to get passed this can come along and give us some insight here
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number 10 is a tuffie, wow good question. I am working on this as well.
Just stick in here deeds it all gets better in time and the more you learn and understand the better you will feel. We can survive this kiddo and thank god we have such a place here to come and learn and understand.