peacelovesober

Holding myself accountable

So today is March 1st. I am in such an interesting state of mind. Bomb went off today. Ah is not sober and does not want to be. I read on here let go or be dragged. So i guess its let go. AH is so good at the lies I doubt my own sanity at times. I feel like I want to be mad but I am not. I am taking my part in this.

I have an active addict in my home and am trying to survive. He was 100 percent sober 90 days ago. Yes im sure he was in a great rehab and passing drug tests and really showing improvements. Fast forward to now and even though we were separated for nearly two years here we are again.

We are essentially where we were when i left. He is high and lying about everything. Pawning and manipulating and the whole shebang.

Whats different? Me. I am stronger than i was. Not able to put him out today but i am ready to see him go and have set my own deadline. I am preparing myself to follow t through because in the short time we reconciled i realized this is not living.

He has made the choice to continue using drugs and subsequently end his marriage. You can't have both. Its not possible to have a home with an addict. I know know that and know that i don't want to live like this.

I love my ah however i am not prepared to live the rest of my life in this struggle. I am working out my plan and will live a happy life without him. I know that is possible and thanks for listening.


Any esh is appreciated.