Peggy I am where you are right now. I was separated from my husband from April 2014-Dec 2015. He had several times of clean and then relapses but went back to a program he is really successful with. He put some sober time together and i let the dream of having my husband back cover the nightmare that is our life together.
I am now living in the chaos again worried about money and the valuable items now pawned. Its horrible. I wish there was an easy button.
Here is my plan. Maybe something will help. Beginning in March i have an account that he has no clue about and am putting as much money as i can into it. I am joining a group at church that is going to be a continuation of this group here.
I am setting a goal to post here more. Even though its not something i do a lot i find myself drawn to this forum. So much esh here i want to take it all in.
Most of all i am not blaming me. He is the person that has lied and made drugs and the drug dealers more important than his marriage. I can own my part and not just allow him to walk all over me. But i am only human. I feel for the image i had of who he used to be and not who he has spent the last 8 years showing me. Friday was 8 years of marriage and its been about 6 on this rollercoaster.
Please take care of you. You can't pour out of an empty cup. Give yourself some time and keep reading. It helps.