sobersolstice

Some of you may recall my story, but long story short, I was born to be my parent's drinking partner. How do I know this? They told me when I was 16. Both of my parents are alcoholics and when I call them for support, they tell me I'm not an alcoholic and that I should have the willpower to control my drinking. Then I told them to tell me not to drink any time I call. It hasn't really been productive. They get angry and I go out and drink.

My parents coincidentally have the same birthday of March 1st, and I remember trying to quit on that day last year. Lasted a week. Today (2/29 leap year) is supposed to be March 1st. Whatever. It's not about the day, I guess it's more about just doing the thing and sticking to it. Last night, I went on an all day bender after my best friend got left church, and was drinking tequila before eating brunch. She has a solid grip on her drinking and had one drink and was done. I rarely overdo it when I'm with her, but had 4 drinks. The bad part was that I kept boozing after I got home. Now, I have a bunch of work to do, but it's 11:30 in the morning, and I'm in bed reading and posting on here.

I feel too lazy and nauseous to eat. I woke up with a feeling of poison coursing through my veins, and need to address this NOW. I need to create a plan and make it work. Discipline has always been an issue for me, and it's a double edged sword as alcohol kills my motivation. I sometimes feel so apathetic toward everything, that the fact I don't really care about much makes it too easy to fall off of the wagon. I'm 38, with parents that are in their 70's and broke. I bust my ass to help them pay rent and food. No GF, no kids, and a handful of friends that are 'too busy'. I don't even know where I'm going with this. Sorry.