I have responded to the above 11 ways family members can help and find myself confused and wondering just what it is that I am not doing right.
1) Do learn the facts about alcoholism and drug addiction. Obtain information through counseling, open AA/NA meetings, and Alanon/Naranon.
2) Ok I kinda get this. I don’t believe that it is due to upbringing or short coming. I do believe it is a learned behavior. I believe that a person turns to beer and pot (in my husband’s case) to dull the realities of life from his childhood years to now.
2) Don’t rescue the alcoholic or addict. Let them experience the full consequence of there disease.
3) This one is difficult because I don’t see any consequences he has ever had to endure. He stays out all night and I don’t react because that doesn’t seem to help. However by not reacting it is almost as if I am condoning the action by not getting mad . So he is free to do as he wishes.
3) Don’t support the addiction by financially supporting the alcoholic or addict.
4) Considering he is the main monetary support in our family this is a non issue. At the same time he is a very functioning alcoholic. It is amazing how plowed he can get at night to the point he may even loose bodily functions and yet get up in the morning as if nothing has happened the night before and go to work.
4) Don’t analyze the loved one’s drinking or drug use.
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5) I agree it is an addiction but I have a hard time with the disease idea.
5) Don’t make idle threats. Say what mean and mean what you say.
6) I gave up threats a long time ago. I know that it is important to say what you mean and follow through however, speaking how I feel often leads to his getting mad at me for telling him how I feel even though he asks.
6) Don’t extract promises.
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7) I have not ever asked for promises because I learned at a young age that promises are always broken form a drunk.
7) Don’t preach or lecture.
8) I believe this to be true as well
8) Do avoid the reactions of pity and anger.
9) Weather these actions create painful rollercoaster for the loved one but feelings of anger and hurt or natural and unavoidable in these situations so how can it be avoided? How you react as you are angry is another issue. Be angry and sin not. I have no pity for people who drink too much.
9) Don’t accommodate the disease.
10) I refuse to accommodate my husband for the vary reason he isn’t being healed responsible for his actions.
10) Do focus upon your life and responsibilities.
11) I think I find myself drained from the worry of what kind of mood he will be and trying to react in a way that will upset. Like the saying walking on eggshells. I understand that isn’t the way to be however, how do you live in a way that you are not walking on eggshells and yet are not in a battle at the same time?
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#11 Pray pray pray
and as you pray, seek out the things that are needed through your prayers.
The strength, wisdom, and understanding to follow what is written above.
Place the situation in God's hands and trust Him knowing He is in control.
12) For me prayer is usually all I have!