Hi, Serenity.
Welcome to SR!
Sorry you are in a tough situation.
I understand your trigger about the ill parent - been there.
I distinctly remember one night when I called an ambulance, then admitted my mother to the hospital, and then walked all the way back home because it was about 4 a.m. - no public transport yet and I had no car. It was winter and insanely cold. When stores opened I bought myself a bottle of cheapest vodka and got wasted. Because couldn't see any glimpse of hope. None.
It was somewhat 13 years ago.
I am sober 3 years and 4 + months.
I wish I knew back than that doesn't matter what there is always hope. I just didn't know it yet.
I want you to believe me - there is hope. But on one condition - you have to give yourself a chance.
Don't pick up the first drink. Take one day at a time. Don't worry about tomorrow.
Keep posting.