Thank you so much for the positive answers and support.
I agree. It should have been a wake up call the minute I was diagnosed. I was shaken from the fog for maybe a month or two, then I went back to the alcohol when I realized how unhappy I was.
I know it's not worth it. That's the thing. I know. I know everything you all are telling me, but I just choose to ignore it because for a few hours a week I feel completely at ease. I don't have the panic attacks. I don't feel like crying. I don't feel sad. But I know o need to grow up and face my problems.
I guess the thing is, I've tried. I've been to therapy, I've been the the hospital because of depression and its either take more meds or be sad. And as sad as that is, that's truly what it comes down to.
And I used drinking to cope. To sleep. To be happy. But now instead of being something I can do when I go out with friends, it's become something I do by myself to feel happy. And unfortunately it's killing me in the process.
I want to quit cold turkey, but I've never been the type that can do that. Even with diet and exercise. The most successful I've been was when I cut fries this week and soda the next, then walked one mile, then two until I was doing it without hesitation.
I want to be strong enough to beat this. Because I know I can. Ive already limited my intake, but that's because I have no choice.
I want to do this for real.