I am sorry for your pain. I can totally relate and reading your post really hurt as I have been there myself, on more than one occasion. I'm in my 40s now but can think of 2 serious relationships which I thought would lead to marriage which both ended due to my drinking problem.
At 3 years sober now I can see just why these men ended the relationship. Would I have put up with such behaviour from a man towards me? Of course not! Even if they didn't mean it or said it wouldn't happen again - like domestic violence - it always does happen again. The number of times I was called out for my nastiness after drinking and I said it wouldn't happen again - it always did until they had enough and walked away.
The only way to ensure this doesn't happen again is to quit drinking completely. then you never have to go through this again. Ok, maybe this guy won't forgive you and it really is the end but at least you know if you quit it will never happen again ever when you do meet someone else in the future. It was only when I concentrated on myself and got sober that my life improved.