6six

I'm literally at rock bottom today. Never in my life have I felt so low and disgusted in myself. Two nights ago I started drinking wine by myself. I got to the point where I was blackout drunk. I ended up walking over to my boyfriends as we had plans which I was also two hours late for. I don't even remember the walk over. I woke up in the morning and he was telling me I have to leave as my flight was leaving. I literally woke up and had this sinking feeling in my stomach that something terrible had happened. Long story short I got on my flight, I was going home to visit family so I left his apartment very rushed that morning. As I started to sober up on the plane I kept thinking something terrible happened... my worst fears were confirmed 24 hours later. After trying relentless either contact him and text him it was obvious to me he was avoiding me. I finally got a text from him last night. Essentially he told me I have a drinking problem when he is done with the relationship. This is not the first time he's called me out on my drinking. He told me I said disgusting things to him and he does not want to see me again. Essentially he told me he has blocked my number and is disgusted me. He also called me ******* gross. I'm quite certain I said terrible things about screwing around with other men. Which I have never done for the record! I don't know why say such mean things I'm absolutely devastated. I have been with this man for 8 months and I really thought I was going to marry him..so hard to believe that this time last week we were celebrating Valentine's Day and now I'm sitting here writing on this forum. I am at a loss I can't even eat I cannot sleep I feel absolutely hopeless