You know alcohol numbed me to so many things in the past, and I liked it. I like going through life numb. Then it stopped making me numb and made me feel the immense anxiety it was numbing me to. That anxiety built up over many years of drinking. Then it all came to a head and it was horrible. I never want to feel that life again.
I am sober, and I love it. It stopped working and I am glad it did. If it was still making me numb I would still be drinking and missing out on life.
For instance, I recently had a day off because my kids had a day off and I had to watch them. BEFORE, I would be hung over and on the couch until lunch time, would make lunch and then nap while the kids napped. I would be pissed when they would wake up 2 hours later, because I felt that was not enough. Then I would start drinking because it was now the afternoon. Then I would be drunk soon after, and in bed shortly after dinner leaving the kids to my wife.
THIS TIME: woke up and ate breakfast with the kids. Did some morning coloring.crafts. Then took them out to meet their friends at an athletic club. I PLAYED with him instead of sitting on the side counting the minutes until the end. Then lunch, then nap, and instead of napping I got stuff done. They woke up and I wasnt pissed and we went outside and played some more. Other misc activities that afternoon. Then dinner, then bed time. The difference was I was active in their lives and I think having them experience that is changing the way they think of their dad. Before I was just there, yelling or getting mad. Now, I still get mad, that happens, but I am doing things with them. Its a difference and I like it.
That would have never happened had alcohol still been working to make me numb.