Dee, I dunno. I didn't state my meaning well. I don't particularly dislike my "self" -- I've accepted my personality & character & life situation pretty well in the last year or so. I've mostly stopped doing things that make me dislike my self too, which helps.
Starting young, I was always attacking my own mind with substances. I think I had reasons -- interior agitation. Alcohol settled me some, although at a cost.
Now that alcohol is out of the equation, I find the whole mental sack of cats really exhausts me. I opposite-of-enjoy the show in my head. It's not pretty or friendly or fun. I can't control the on/off switch or volume, and the content is often plain nonsense. But it doesn't matter what the subject matter is; the tone is always nasty.
Is this true for every sober person? That's what I want to know.