The Urge Came Back Today
I have been in recovery now for about 2 years and 1 month and today I had a pretty strong urge to drink. In the past I would have been out the door and sitting with alcohol in hand. Being in recovery, I have been able to decipher this urge. My "recovery code ring" told me that I have taken on too much lately and I am feeling overwhelmed and stressed. Uncomfortable? Yes! . . . a reason to pick up again? Hell No!
I have taken on a few tasks lately that I probably should have said no to. I have been a chronic people-pleaser my whole life and in times of weakness I still say "yes" when I mean "no."
What will I do to get through this? I think I will duck out of work a bit early and go for a run. I always feel better when I run. While I run, I will think of the things for which I am grateful. Even the tasks that I have taken on. Completing them will make me stronger.
What used to be a sure-fire reason for me to drink (stress), is now an alarm bell that I need some self-care and to take some time out of my day for me. The problem is that my brain is hard-wired (from the years of drinking) to associate stress with drinking. In early recovery I thought that after a year or so, I would not have to face this dilemma any more. Now I am wise enough to know that I will always face situations such as this, as well as to recognize the fact that I will get through them. Life is not all sunshine and rainbows, but I know that "this too shall pass" and I will be fine.