Gets Easier Once You're Used to Feeling Well!
I visited a friend's home for dinner last night. I wished I could join him in drinking. I don't spend much time missing it nowadays, but last night I did.
The desire was pretty easily resisted. The further away I get from the overwhelming illness of active addiction, the worse the memory is. At the time, less than six weeks ago, it was my normal. Now, I have no idea how I managed to endure that agony. And nothing positive was offered by alcohol, either. Toward the end, I wasn't deriving any pleasure -- I was only self-medicating for my 24/7 withdrawals!
Nowadays, "normal" is NOT being in physical distress, acute panic and anxiety, and mental confusion. That memory is becoming more and more aversive. I mean, holy s**t, can you imagine panic attacks, trembling, fearing a heart attack at any moment, believing that you might die within the next 24 hours? And no means to cope with it due to a complete inability to think rationally? That was my reality!!! Do you remember my early posts???
Last night's momentary attraction to alcohol was tightly coupled with my memory of that misery.
For anyone reading who doesn't know my story, today is Day 37. The more "normal" nonmisery becomes, the easier sobriety gets.