Thank you anvilhead.... I soooo related to everything
you wrote about and am so glad to know that im not
the only one here in SR or out there in the world going
thru same, similar things in life.
Susie....its okay to give yourself permission to
be happy. You like many of us had to learn that
it is okay.
Abuse hurts and im not a fan of it because I
too am damaged goods from childhood abuse
at the hand of a mom that was sick with her own
demons.
I went back towards her for years thinking
our relationship as mom and daughter would
strengthen or change, yet each time I went to
see her, I felt emotionally abuse one more time
added to the millionth times before.
The last time I saw her would be the last
time I would want to see her because the
more times I infect myself with her presents,
her words, they would try to kill me one more
time. Just like each drink of alcohol I drank
to numb her out of my mind and heart.
My sobriety means a lot to me and i'll be
darn if I allow anyone, even a parent, to
interfere with my progress in recovery.
Ive placed her into the Hands of my
Higher Power, God of my understanding,
because I cant carry her on my shoulders
any longer.
As far as being 50....men and women go thru
that process in life, midlife crises. No 2 people
tackle that situation the same way. For me,
my 1st marriage of 25 yrs ended peacefully
and I returned to my hometown of Baton Rouge
where my roots are.
I ve gone thru many changes thru out my
57 yrs now as I continue to grow and change
into the person I am meant to be on Earth.
I remarried and just celebrated 7 yrs on Valentine's
Day to a wonderful man. Another awesome gift
in recovery. I also began getting tattoos when
I ended my marriage. It was the first for both
my now husband and I to experience that.
Also, never in my wildest dreams ever thought
I meet someone with a motorcycle and emmediately
want to ride. Yes, I did get my endorsement at 50
but decided I enjoy riding passenger and looking
stylish.
Yep, all the bling bling, dark hair, red nails
and lip stick. lol Very feminine tho.
My husband is older than I and we are paired
together nicely because we have faith in the
Man up stairs to guide us ever step of the way
in life and sobriety.
I am kinda old fashion, reserved in a way and
love wearing my long southern lady dresses
with lots of flowers to match all my colorful
feminine tattoos. In fact lady customers tell
me that I blend in well with all the flowers
at the nurseries, lowes or other flower depts.
My mom retired as a cosmetician working
in the fine dept stores and was always made
up. So elegant looking yet when she came home
from work and stripped off all the mask and
clothes, she was a different person.
I learned how to dress nice and look pretty
from her, but it wasn't until I left home that
I put that to good use, then add alcohol to
the equation....well....in rehab they wanted
me to show up to class with no make up to
teach me about wearing a mask that I was
hiding behind for so long.
Me, I didn't see it as a false mask, because
make up is like an art. However, drinking
gave me the confidence and shield to hide
behind so no one could see how this little
girl was hurting inside, carrying all the emotional
pain from my past.
I don't wear much makeup any longer because
im happy being me. Simple and colorful enough
with my tattoos.
Im happy being 57 and look towards the
future with no expectations to whatever
comes next in life. As long as I have Faith
then I know im never alone nor have to face
the unknown by myself.
This strengthens me in more ways then
I know. Stay strong and continue on your
journey and remember to give urself
permission to be happy.
Color your hair to whatever youd like
and experience the rainbow of colors
available to us ladies....lol