Ugh I think we woman struggle with getting older way more than men. Men can lose their hair or go gray and they are "more distinguished". Get a belly and nobody notices. Get wrinkles and they are more "rugged".
Its just not the same for us. Topping it off with what you have been through the wear and tear does show, but my dear its not permanent.
I challenge you to start doing things for YOU. I believe you have mentioned that money is tight....start putting some back. Get a facial, get some botox, maybe a new hair color or cut. Whatever it is you don't like change it!
Its not that I feel all that is necessity there are plenty of women who choose to grow older and just let things happen as they will and that's totally cool - if its makes them happy and they feel fine about it. You aren't feeling fine about how you look. My guess is you're being hyper critical, and you haven't changed that much if at all. Regardless, doing things FOR YOURSELF, that make you better, feel better, or give you some results that make you feel positive of what you see are worth it. Go for it.