susie, i think it's VERY normal for a woman moving into the second half-century of life to wonder what the hell happened when they look in the mirror or step on the scales or try to find a pair of jeans in the closet that you can still button all the way. ok, well i can state with certainty, i know at least ONE 50-something year old who went thru that! and that is WITHOUT having spent years with a partner who constantly berated and abused her!!!!
a few months back, before Thanksgiving, i looked in the mirror one day and said Anvil, WTH? i had quit coloring my hair years before and it was VERY grey. and not a pretty grey either, i looked totally washed out. i hadn't worn makeup at all hardly ever also in years. i had gone thru an intensive course of treatment with a naturopath a few years ago, 6 week elimination diet, and did lose weight. yay. BUT without staying on a super restrictive diet the weight crept back on. blech.
so i decided enough already, let's fix what we can here. regardless of WHAT i do right now, my weight won't budge. so FOR NOW, i am satisfied with not GAINING. i have to - because i am stuck in THIS body and i'd really rather not spend every stinking minute of it HATING myself.
i found a seriously AWESOME home hair color (still not a salon girl, i'm terrible about appointments and the costs etc) and i no longer have GREY hair. instead i have some seriously GORGEOUS hair again....and i don't mind telling you!!! when i look in the mirror, i see the "old" me - sort of. LOL i'll never be a supermodel, i can't even take a decent photo to save my soul, but damn the hair rocks!!!!
i still don't wear full face makeup, but i do have some BB cream, and with a damp sponge thingie can whisk a bit of that on and it just totally evens out my complexion, isn't cakey or clumpy. i even bought some BLUSH. and an eyebrow pencil. (excuse me,but nobody told me that my eyebrows would start to disappear when i hit menopause????).
i know that is all superficial stuff......but its not that i care what the rest of the world sees, i care what I SEE. i care how i feel about me OUT in the world. now that i have started being more girlie and utilizing more self-care, i want to do that more! for me!