I'll just be completely honest....I've left my alcoholic experience jaded on men and love. I live in a big city where men "use" older women to try to reel us in and well I'll be frank get sex. I feel like men have the upper hand in life - they become distinguished we get "old". I just feel like for me I'm not meant to be in a relationship ever with a man....all men do for me is cause heartache and act controlling. I'm so tired of trying to look nice for a man, trying to act nice for a man and putting up with a man's crap. Thank god I have a good career and make decent money and don't need a man in my life - sometimes I feel like the only smart thing I did in my life was make this career for myself. When I waste time dating or looking to meet men all it does is upset me and make me see human beings in a negative light. Being with a man makes me feel "less than"....mainly because they all end up being disappointments. Yes I've had a recent bad dating experience (so maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow).....but this seems to be the rule not the exception. Older men want 20 year old women and younger men want to use older women.
Maybe for me love is my passion of trying to have a family and give of myself to a child. I do not think for me love involves a traditional relationship or a man. Sorry to be a debbie downer.....but this is just how I'm feeling today right now. I feel like as a woman society has conditioned me to feel unworthy and incapable without a man and I think as a woman that holds me back in life. And it frustrates the hell out of me.....I worry that the one embryo I do have from my IVF is a girl (assuming the implantation goes well)....I do not want her to have to deal with men in society today. I wish things were different and love and relationships weren't such a societal focus.