Sandy Beach once spoke about a TV show he's seen. In it a griping mother goes to stay with her son. She complains and criticises all weekend and he takes it all very personally and feels like his head's going to explode. The next week the mother goes to stay with her daughter. She's just the same there - complaining and criticising. But the daughter, knowing that it's just the way her mum is, just laughs each time and says 'Ohh Mom.' In both the son and the daughters cases the mother behaved the same way. But it was his reaction that caused the son his pain. People can be a complete pain in the proverbial - if you make the decision to let them get to you. I remember being asked by a know-it-all old-timer "Is he behaving any differently to how he's always behaved?" I answered that ""No, he jolly well wasn't" (or words to that effect
). He shrugged at me and said "Well, why are you surprised? This isn't about you. It's about him. " At that particular point I was pretty mad at him, but later on I realised he was right. Why would this person change? The old-timers (irritating) words really helped me find a place of acceptance - eventually. And it's a place of acceptance I still need to work on to maintain.
Resentment (even justified resentment) is a dubious luxury. Do you want to stop being annoyed by her? If so, then serenity prayer; resentment prayer; and asking for / finding acceptance are the way to go. While you want to hold onto the resentment then you will do - and you will suffer the consequences of being resentful. I never heard a truer saying than the one about holding onto resentment being like trying to kill someone by drinking poison yourself. The only person you're going to hurt with this is yourself. Please try to let this go - remember, acceptance isn't about right or wrong; fair or unfair; but about realising that if we're powerless over something, the only options are acceptance (and the peace that brings us) or staying angry, and wasting valuable time and energy being so, which will be detrimental to your recovery. And you know what - that is YOUR choice (and therefore your responsibility) not hers.
Did you do any inventory work around your sister with your sponsor in AA? If not, I'd suggest that you try to do so as this could be very freeing for you. I know that I managed to free myself of a good 30 years worth of resentment towards my brother and other family members by doing the step 4 & 5 inventory work. It was such a relief. Like when you finally sit down after being on your feet all day and realise that you hadn't even known how hurty they'd got until it stopped - or having a troublesome tooth removed.
Wishing you well in your recovery and hoping you find some relief from your resentments.