Thanks again everyone, my mood lifted and I have been back to living life hence the long delay (and sorry about that!). I have taken some information from my work about free counselling services and will be getting in touch with them soon. I found a 'grown up' drink that I thought was going to be suitable but in fact it had 3% alcohol in it not 0% and as I got a tiny buzz I will have to give it away as I didn't like how I was behaving - gulping the beer down from the bottle as though it was water. Admittedly I was very thirsty having just walked a dog in the summer evening heat but still, really no excuses for that. I have found some 0% alcohol wines so am not quite stuck with juice again!
Aries, I hope that things are still well with you, we've got nearly 43 days down!
[B]Jessie[B], I know what you mean about not knowing who you are, I am acting differently enough that I notice and am insecure enough that I think I need a bit of tweaking but then again maybe I don't? And because of the no alcohol am thinking back on times where I didn't act as nicely as I thought I was at the time. It's hard to figure this stuff out, but you are right - not drinking makes it a little bit easier at least.
Thanks everyone for making me feel not-so-alone.