Hi Patricia. I lost custody of my kids in 2010. My ex-husband and I had shared custody and he decided he wanted to move 90 miles away, with our kids. I fought in court and lost because I was actively drinking, with a fresh DUI under my belt.
I share this with you not to scare or upset you, quite the contrary! In just under one month of sobriety I have made significant strides with my relationship with my kids, especially my 16 year old.
I didn't think life was possible without a couple bottles of wine per night. I didn't WANT a life without wine, without my cocoon.
Patricia, I am here to tell you, it will click. It will. But be gentle with yourself. Go to bed early with a good book or watch guilty pleasure TV. Make yourself some tea.
You sound so sweet but so scared. Don't drink anymore tonight. ((Hugs))