You
absolutely can deal with anything clean and sober. I really believe that.
You have to accept it's going to take a little time and effort tho.
I drank and drugged for decades. I was not going to fix myself in a day or a week.
Some days were very hard. All I wanted to do was drink to get away from the anxiety, the fear and the feeling of doom.
But I didn't.
I posted here.
I tried to do other things. I kicked the walls a little (not recommended), I screamed into my pillow...I started seeing an understanding Dr and counsellor.
and slowly, but surely, things got better
It;s something you have to work on
every day - and most important part is not drinking, ever...& finding other positive ways to deal with anxiety.
If you've been on benzoes for a long time coming off those is going to cause anxiety too.
I think you need to find a doctor, one who understands, and be totally honest with them about your drinking, benzo use and anxiety problems.
I don't actually think detox would be the worst thing in the world for you.
I understand your fears, but honestly if your husband wanted to leave he could claim all kinds of things right now, true or not.
You going to detox could be a step back to you being who you want to be?
D