Somehow this time around feels different... I feel more committed and more convinced that my answer needs to be that alcohol is simply off the table for good, period. I'm not good at moderation of things.
Except...I was a heavy smoker (1.5-2 packs a day) til my early twenties. When I "quit" at first it was entirely... Then for a few years Id let myself buy a pack when if go out for the evening.. And throw out the remainder at the end of the night.. Did that for a few years. Then I'd let myself bum them for a few years. Eventually, I completely quit... I guess over the course of probably 7 or 8 years. By the end of all that, I can say that I rarely ever even have a craving.
There's a small part of me that thinks "hey, that could work with drinking too"... But the bigger part of me says "nope.. Don't tempt fate and the slippery slope" and my goal is for that bigger party to continue to prevail.. Period.
I'm confident that with time and separation from alcohol that I will rediscover other means to "relax", "celebrate" and "let lose" that are natural and organic and safe.... Re-establish healthy habits all around, that I so not feel that I must hide from others... Though I'm sure I'm not ding them as well as I'd like to think I am anyhow.
Feels good to be in this mindset for the first time in a long time. :-)