NQ,
Congratulations on 10 years of sobriety, that must be very difficult in a drinking home and living with an A. I hope you are proud of yourself.
Reading your post made me so sad, you sound so unhappy. I want you to know there is hope. I was with my AXH for 34 years of my life, I am 50 now. I finally had enough of his crxp. I divorced him 14 months ago. My life is so wonderful and pleasant. No alcohol or drugs, no drunk friends, no bs and lies, no fighting.
You can have that one day too!!! I worked very hard to attain my sanity. For 11 straight months I attended 2 open AA meetings, 2 open alanon meetings a week and SR nightly. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but worth every hour of healing and therapy.
I look now at the spouses that "stick" it out or the ones that spouses go into rehab and nothing changes and I am so sad for them. I am grateful every day that I divorced him. I thank God every day for blessings he has bestowed on me. I still love my X, and have few bad days, but nothing like the misery that consumed me, married to an A.
Hugs my friend, there is a wonderful life out there if you want to start again.