Your AH sounds a lot like my STBXAH. I was always hearing about how there were things I needed to change about myself, so why should he worry about quitting drinking if I was refusing to change. Always, always turning things around on me. I was also "mean" and "disrespectful," so why would he want to make a person like me happy by quitting? I was also accused of not having any faith in him. My friend, it is nothing but quacking.
I'm glad you stayed away. It doesn't sound like he's even remotely ready for recovery, and I suspect he will just keep right on drinking.
You are right to identify the abuse as a separate issue, too. Alcoholism, and abusiveness, are two completely distinct problems. It would be a mistake (a mistake that puts your personal safety, and your kids' safety, at risk) to assume that if an abuser quits drinking, the abuse will stop.
I am also willing to bet that despite his "declaration" that it's time for you to move on, he will come crawling back several more times, and try to hook you. Do you see a counselor? Perhaps it's time to brainstorm some strategies for keeping your feet on the ground and your head on straight when he DOES come crawling back. Because even if he had told you that he was sorry, and that he misses you, those words mean nothing without actual action on his part.
It is a common refrain here that a good response to a plea for reconciliation is "we can revisit that issue after you have been sober and working a recovery program for a year." I can't think of a single instance in this group where an addict pleaded for a spouse to return while the addict was "promising to quit," and then the addict did in fact quit in a lasting, healthy way. It's just a way to rope you back in to the cycle of abuse and addiction. Because the truth is we SHOULDN'T have any faith in the empty words. If our qualifiers want us to have faith, they need to SHOW us we can have faith through their ACTIONS.
Much love and peace to you.